Close the Windows! Turn the lights out.... RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!
There are a few things in life I’m not very good with. Most I can avoid, some I can tolerate for a short period of time, and others I tend to either marry or decorate and furnish their homes with various electrical goods.
One thing I cannot avoid, or escape from is the common Crane Fly (or Daddy Long Legs)… Lets get one thing straight from the off, I’m shit scared of them…. There I said it…There’s no real reason, it’s irrational and I should be setting a better example to my daughter… but those spindly little gits really do gimme the heebie-jeebies.
So, the Crane Fly is no more than a flying spider (too many legs for such a small body… it’s just plain greedy…. and what’s with all those eyes?. It’s just not right), nothing on this planet could frighten me more than a Crane Fly (escaped Hamsters packing heat come close).
Even so, I do think nature dealt a duff hand to the bastard, all those legs and it cant run. Its got the navigational skills of Mark Thatcher and a defence mechanism that involves amputating your own appendages. It’s just bloody pointless.
They also have no idea on how to get from A to B, ten out of ten for fannying about tho’… well that’s not strictly true, for example, if I enter a room they just home in on me….. not like a dart or an arrow, they first give the impression they are coming for me, then change direction as if not interested, I turn my back and sweet-mother-of-Jesus the spindly little shite-hawk is entangled in my hair, I’m running around like a girl (…..and usually screaming), swatting the air and hitting myself on the head. It’s not a good look. People stare….. and sometimes point….and occasionally call security.
So, if you’re in a shop this September, and you see a burly bloke screaming and doing air-karate, then don’t take the piss ‘cos it’s probably me.
4 comments:
We should get together in a field and swat them off together sometime (so to speak!). To an innocent observer it would look like high-speed, manic, Tai-Chi.
Another classic (you realy should write that book and get PT to do the play) Goober!!!!
It's a strange phenomenon, this fear of the crane fly that lurks in the hearts of most Brits. In point of fact, when examined closely through a BBC documentary, they turn out to be quite fascinating. For a start, they are unusual for insects in having only one pair of wings - the other pair has metamorphosed into a swinging balance arm arrangement that is so cool to watch in slow motion. They also only live for about a day so, if one does get caught in your hair, it's merely a matter of waiting a few hours and they'll peg. Of course, you might be liable for funeral arrangements then.
The weirdest thing of all about crane flies is that they are completely defenceless, slow-moving and stupid. How the f**k did such a pathetic little creature manage to survive through all those millions of years to scare the s**t out of you? It's a mystery, a plain, ordinary, living mystery.
Sorry... I'm just laughing at you lol.
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