I make my boss look stupid.....

Thats the accusation I'm facing right now.... and I also dont respect my team members..... or something like that.

...and all from an e-mail from the boss.

The thing is I don't disagree, not entirely. I don't have any special powers to make my boss look stupid, just plain old "stating the bleedin' obvious" is more than sufficient to outline his inability to find his own arse with both hands.

and as for "team" members, well. Lets just say the ones I don't respect are the ones who last saw employment selling shoes..... or in more specific cases, counting bricks on a building site.

blah blah lar di dar...... we've heard it all before. I'm not gonna look for a new job, its far too entertaining watching the whole thing tear itself apart. If it comes to it, I'll document the entire HR encounter here, in this corner of reality I like to call home..

Musical accompaniment to this post: Morcambe & Wise, Bring Me Sunshine

Less than a decade to get to the moon...

I had to see it for myself.... I just had to touch it's alloy/polycarbonate shell before I could even dare to think it was true.

but there it was, shiny and new just out of the showroom. No dear reader, this item isn't mine and to be honest it's nothing special in its own right, its the huge hurdle the purchasee has had to vault to get to this dizzying conclusion of outright ownership.

Yes..... Pooch has finally bought a brand new motorcycle.

In recent years its become a running joke.

Pooch: "I'm test riding a [insert random bike make/model] this weekend"

Me: "Ohh...... gonna chop in that Brough Superior you bought in 1926 for a model with electrics and those new fangled pneumatic tires are you?"

Pooch: "well, you never know....."

Pooch on his old ride: Taken just last week

Ah, but we do know don't we..... in the 8 or so years I've been riding bikes Pooch has NEVER even been close to purchasing a new bike. I think he prefers to borrow them for a few hours then take 'em back to the showroom and informing the bemused salesman that "well, its nice but I don't think I need a bike with more than 3 gears"

Even the prospect of saving money by getting rid of the nice man who walks in front of his bike waving a red flag didn't entice Pooch to a new purchase.

So, when rumours within the bike industry surfaced that Pooch was about to re-ink his quill to sign for a new bike I almost bought an ounce of Old Holburn.

Of course no one would believe him, Pooch had cried wolf too many times (I'm sure there's a pun in there somewhere).

He'd turn up outside the pub on a Triumph or some other monstrosity, some of the really dunk punters would marvel at his "new" ride while the majority would simply turn away and tut to themselves knowing it was nothing more than a test ride machine.

But now......its.... really....... here.

Ok, so he's gone and bought a BMW (he's getting on a bit you know) but at least its cylinders are vertical and there's no attachments for farming equipment. I think it may take a few months before Pooch gets the colour back in his wallet, sorry cheeks and he gets used to 4th gear and a crash helmet not made from leather.

I cant find the compression lever or the spark retardation handle!

So, the bunch of backsides that I work for have decided that no one will be getting a pay rise this year..... not because people think their products are shameful or their services revolve around spin, lies and excuses...no... its because the shares are HIGH and will probably go down and all the managers are having trouble fueling their 4 and 5 litre 4x4 SUV'S.

It sounds like I'm upset, but I'm not, I've not had a pay rise in 5 years, not even inflation based rise. I'm just amazed at the excuses that are being used. No doubt next year will be "Sorry no pay rises as the company is washing its hair"

as a result of the doubling of fuel prices over here and no pay rise I'll mostly having "Princes Tomato and Sardine Paste" for lunch in a bread buttie. Lovely.

Bikes and Tight bands

So many things so little time..... before I'm questioned about not doing "proper" work and blogging instead.. but here goes..

Hmmm yes, I have bought myself a new bike.... and yes its the expensive BMW one. Not too expensive as its second hand... sort of. Has 255 miles on the clock and was a BMW Staff bike. I collect it tomorrow.

Also my Dad has had a heart attack.... well, he's had two, one last Wednesday but no-one believed him then another on Friday. My Niece said "he's been rushed into Middlesbrough Hospital"..... I don't know whats going on in the NHS but I'm unable to see how someone can be "rushed" to a hospital that's over 35 miles away..... especially as there's a perfectly good hospital 10 miles down the coast in Hartlepool....

Anyhow, he's sort of OK, he's due out of hospital today as they have de-coked his arteries and told him to cheer up...... or something like that....

Oh, and before someone else says it I will...... The new bike was ordered BEFORE the owld fella was ill.

Anyhow, I thought this tune was kinda appropriate in the circumstance...... ok, perhaps inappropriate, but what the feck I'm going to hell anyway

Dead Miners Boot

Dead Miners Boot, originally uploaded by Delmonti.

I know I know, another cop out posting. There are things going on, but I just cant be arsed to post them....... Hmmmm.. Ok then, here's a short rundown.

Firstly, I should explain the photo. In my new photographic interests I'm collecting dead (discarded) gloves and shoes, and here's my latest..... Well, it was from a few years back but still counts.

New bike possibility: I've test ridden, of all things, a BMW.... The K1200S to be precise. Nice bike with unique features but not as powerful as the Blackbird and at £13000 it's bloody expensive....

Sorry this was supposed to be short, here goes...

Had to replace the sprockets and chain on the 'bird - £400
Shocks on the 'bird are shagged, Honda want £500+ (not gonna happen)
Bike Insurance is due - £200+
I'm having delusions of living a happy peaceful life with the woman of my dreams - so I've joined a dating site, the lack of interest is quickly returning me to my natural state of mind...... that and extreme self abuse.
I've been out in the countryside walking - thanks to Pooch who can read a map for the best routes that pass pubs with decent ale.

ps: I dont think there was a miner attached and burried under that boot.....

Fiddy cent...... thats 42 too many

News has come informing me that after all these years my talent as a drummer has finally paid off. I can now hold my head up in the presence of the greats..... I can now be classed as a "professional" musician.

You may remember a while back I "helped" out in a band.... and in the confusion recordings were made and they ended up being digitally minced and lightly sprayed with a mixture of CDIF and Miracle Grow and found their way onto iTunes and other purveyors of lug candy.

Well, it would seem that "our boat has come in" in for form of our first Royalties payment. The band has the dubious task of having to split the sum of...... eight cents.

I say dubious as I'm unsure how to split 4p amongst five people without causing a rift....... now, during the 80's I had an old jam jar full of 1/2P pieces...... I know it wouldn't solve the sum, but we could split fairly and send the remainder off to charity.... if I had a loft I'd check there first.

Dead Shoe at Virginia Waters

Dead Shoe at Virginia Waters, originally uploaded by Delmonti.

Found this kids shoe impaled on the entrance gates.... no doubt as a warning to other renegade wandering souls as to the fate held in store should they be found again.