Bikes and Tight bands

So many things so little time..... before I'm questioned about not doing "proper" work and blogging instead.. but here goes..

Hmmm yes, I have bought myself a new bike.... and yes its the expensive BMW one. Not too expensive as its second hand... sort of. Has 255 miles on the clock and was a BMW Staff bike. I collect it tomorrow.

Also my Dad has had a heart attack.... well, he's had two, one last Wednesday but no-one believed him then another on Friday. My Niece said "he's been rushed into Middlesbrough Hospital"..... I don't know whats going on in the NHS but I'm unable to see how someone can be "rushed" to a hospital that's over 35 miles away..... especially as there's a perfectly good hospital 10 miles down the coast in Hartlepool....

Anyhow, he's sort of OK, he's due out of hospital today as they have de-coked his arteries and told him to cheer up...... or something like that....

Oh, and before someone else says it I will...... The new bike was ordered BEFORE the owld fella was ill.

Anyhow, I thought this tune was kinda appropriate in the circumstance...... ok, perhaps inappropriate, but what the feck I'm going to hell anyway

no title required.....

She keeps a distance, but she’s always there, watching, waiting, but most of all anticipating for the time when I return. She knows. We share a bond, and have done for over 16 years, she’s seen a wife and several loves both come and go and not once cast a judgement. Even tho at times I’ve taken her for granted, left for what must seem years at a time, yet she still greeted me with affection and love.

Her very name means “love and understanding”, something I first discovered in the lyrics and music of Stuart Adamson. In recent years she has become an educator to my daughter, teaching her the subtle qualities of care and responsibility, something that is sadly missing from a host of people around us who think they know what “love” means and is shown in their reactions to our situation.

At the moment she is fighting for her life, and the small group which I call “my family” are in limbo…… She is dying, there is no question of that, and with her passing I too will experience another part of “who I am” slip away.

I can only offer her comfort, she will go as she came, cradled in my arms.

My little girlie, my DC, my AddieCat.

For Jillian (my niece)....and my sister Susan.

It seems an explanation is required for a previous post.

So, to answer your question... no.... no I'm not in love with the ex wife Linda. I may be "in love" with that particular time in my life, but its a far cry from actually being in love with someone I haven't seen or heard from in the last 13 years.

It has been suggested that if Linda was to "reappear" I'd drop everything to be with her. Hmmmm, that's an interesting one. I'd like nothing better than to meet up with Linda, I think she's got a lot of explaining to do, some of which could end the remorse and guilt I know she should be suffering from. But if the suggestion is that I'd give up "who I am" and "what I've got" to be with at best a liar and worst an internally deceased emotionally barren purveyor of STD's then some people need to update their perceptions........

(wow I just read that back... for someone who says he doesn't care I'm sure putting a lot of emotion into it! Yikes)

Anyhow, what you need to understand is that "those" people no longer exist, there is no-one to fall in love with.

There are three things you should never return to, no matter what.

1. A dud firework
2. An ex girlfriend (this includes Ex Wives who "re-appear" with delusional expectations)
3. A wounded Ninja

I hope that puts an end to any confusion about the ex wife.

Just like the Queen, he's 80!

George Dawson…. 80 years old

To be honest, I wasn’t looking forward to a long weekend in Peterlee with the relatives. It’s a 5 hour drive and I’d have Emily with me. I’ve done the drive hundreds of times and it isn’t really all that bad, but how would a five year old cope?

Well, I need not of worried, she loved every minute of it… at least the bits that she was awake for. Meeting the rest of the “Dawsons” was another concern. It’s not that they are bad, mad or a tad sad…. It’s just that I don’t know who the hell they are. I have vague recollections of cousins, aunties and uncles but because of various family feuds in the past no-one has ever kept in touch. If it wasn’t for the odd one karking it every now and again I think we’d all prefer to forget about it all.

But that’s not gonna happen this weekend as it’s my Dad’s 80^th birthday and I’d promised to bring Emily up to meet the family.

There was one aspect of all this I was pleased about, and that’s “Our Susan” (the alpha female of the Dawson troop). I’ve put “Our Susan” in quotes ‘cos apparently southerners don’t use the “our” terminology when talking about their siblings, it’s a northern thing apparently….. Anyhow, for as long as I can remember “Our Susan” has had a thing about owning and maintaining children…. any children, doesn’t matter if they belong to her or not, she just loves kids…. Coming from a very close knit mining community this came in very handy for anyone living in the proximity of “Our Susan”, as she would always “look after the little’un while whoever popped off to the shops for a pound of pease pudding and a dozen flat caps”…. Her house was always full of kids, snotty nosed little gits…. each and everyone of ‘em.

So, “Our Susan” knows all the tricks of the trade in keeping a little five year-old girl happy, so after a complete new hair-do and different nail designs “Our Susan” had a new admirer.

Maybe I’ll continue this at a later date as I can see this could go on for some time. The last thing I want is for you to look at this and feel like its “homework”

Apparently, I'm not well.

A few weeks ago I blogged about 3 George Avenue, the place where I grew up. Just another entry in my blog, nothing special, no hidden meanings. I guess I was trying to explain my method of helping me relax, sometimes when I find myself in a quiet place without distractions I like to mentally enter a familiar place and let my memories re-create the location. Sometimes I linger in a "room" and systematically piece together as many details as my memory can spew out. I don't force it, I just think of a feature and see if any long dead memories emerge.... It can be a fun thing to do, it costs considerably less than a new Xbox game and less embarrassing than having a quick-one-off-the-wrist while waiting for a train.

Anyhow, that's all it was.... but my sister didn't think so.

She was worried when she read it, thought I was maybe depressed and was home sick.... I can assure her that I'm neither of those, I've been away from "home" since 1990 and have no wish (at the moment) to head north and the huge doses of ground-up Prozac I inject into my eyes keep the voices to a minimum.

PS: Neil, can you print off the one about the hamster and show our Susan?... it should make her laugh.... much better than getting all worked up over nowt and having our Barry call to see if I've been sectioned...yet.

Put down the receiver and move away from the phone....

Some people just don’t get it do they? You know, that mental line drawn in the sand where sanity ends and a Hitchcock thriller begins.

Some years ago after an argument with an old girlfriend, I left and went to stay at a mates gaff. I can’t really remember what I'd done to upset her, maybe I'd been whistling on a Tuesday or something but whatever it was, it was heinous enough for her to call me on my mobile phone.

After the seventh non answered call I put the phone on silent, placed it on top of the TV (I wasn’t going to miss throwing scatter cusions at Jamie Oliver for no one) and laid bets with a mate when she would get the hint and stop calling……

Needless to say, we both lost the bet as my mobile’s battery went flat on her 35^th attempt…

THIRTY FIVE…. That’s three tens and five units in pre-school money. I’m no psychologist, and I don’t have any formal mental health qualifications that would sooth the dangerously bewildered…… but I do know a loony when it drains my mobile’s battery.

The reason I’m recounting this incident is that the woman concerned has repeated the same act of madness…. Not on me of course, but on another more recent boyfriend… admittedly the bloke in question has no sense of humour, stature, or indeed the ability to shave his own gibbon like body to hide his geographically challenged upbringing.

The result is that this woman was arrested last Tuesday for harassment.

I HAVEN'T STOPPED LAUGHING SINCE

Poles apart...

Two pictures of the same electric pole seperated by 21 years.

I think there's only 2 people who know where it is.

In this place.....

You never really leave home. Physically you may get in the car, on a bus or train with ya bags packed, but mentally, you never leave.

Sometimes, when I feel the need, I mentally walk into 3 George Avenue. I time travel back to those days when I really thought my life would never change. I guess I never wanted it to change….

I can walk upto that huge green wooden gate, left hand over the press down latch, right hand on the corner of the gate ready to lift it slightly as my thumb brings the latch up. So, many, details.

Visually check how deep the puddle is next to the kitchen extension, I go down one step, around the corner to my left towards the front door.

A quick glance to the left through the window, see if I can see me mar in the kitchen…, glance to the right where the dog kennel is, if the dogs are in there, then there’s no-one at home…. then onto the front door.

Sometimes, I just stand there… mentally… knowing that this whole scene exists nowhere else except inside me, no one else can see me, no one else knows about this.

I visualise a “Matrix” style 360 degree third person spin…. The kitchen extension, the front door, bathroom window, the dog kennel, coal house. I can see it in all weathers, dry, wet, covered in 4 feet of snow…. My brothers Honda 125, on its stand flickers in and out the picture like a scene from the original “Time Machine” film

This time I won’t go inside. I’ll leave it for now. There’s a myriad of memories behind that door, every one of them a scene that has me captivated as I try to analyse and make sense of it all

The song in my head right now is Big Country’s “In This Place”….