What is one to do?

So, I find myself with nothing better to do than blog.

It's never a good way to blog (for me anyhow). I know it will turn out to be rubbish, far too long and will stay on my site abusing my eyes for days.

That's why I could never be a professional writer. There are many things preventing me from doing this (list far too long to put here) but the biggest hurdle for me would be writing about stuff I'm not interested in, to a deadline and with a word count........ which pretty much puts a stop to that career.... but let me give you an example......

The ongoing battle for power with the Democrats and Republicans and recent mid term elections* as reported by our man on the street "The Man From Delmonti"

"Fat hairy knackers with the lot of them. Dull, corporate soul-les suckers of Satan's genitalia everyone of them. Don't vote because it only encourages them..... it's your democratic right after all"

See! I'd be pushing a shopping trolley and routing through bins within a week.

If you wanna know how writing should be done, by a REAL professional writer, then pop over to Kat's gaff and check it out.





*if any of this text is wrong, then blame my US of A work colleague (Mike) who gave me the technical info about US politics.

Jotter

Things to do this weekend....

1. Chubby Brown gig at Croydon
2. Photo session at Polesden Lacy
3. Propose new governmental regime after a civil war/coup I'm planning in the UK. I dont want to give the game away just yet as I'm still trying to figure out how to avoid UK Hate Laws especially the "Incitement to cause violence" bit. I feel a Civil War/Coup seldom works without some violence and a well managed leaflet drop
   
4. Clean the bathroom
5. Point and stare at passers-by from my window

It's gonna be a busy one...

Near 40 year old draws cock on ballot paper.....

Yes I know, it's not big and its not clever...... but it is.... me.

Yesterday was Local Elections day, a day when you get to vote for the person you want in control at the local council offices.

Normally, I don't like to vote as it just encourages them (politicians that is), but it was sunny and I could pop into the pub on the way.... I would need a few pints to put me in the mood.

So, I sit down with a pint of Landlord and begin reading a piece in the Express about the General Strike that took place 80 years ago to the day.... moving stuff I can tell ya, every port in the UK had a British war ship in situ with guns pointing land-ward, army and police on the streets and the aristocracy "sooting" up just in case the revolution came (9 years previous the Russian Revolution had taken place, nasty affair, lots of very angry people and all that stuff).

So, I had to have another pint and began thinking of all the struggles people had been through for me to have my vote.... I was stirred up, I was determined to make my mark (ie, a cross on the ballot paper).

I waddled off to the polling station and got my voting paper..... I was shocked..... normally, there's about a dozen candidates on there, the three main parties, a few independents and a handful of nutters but this time there was only two! I even looked about my feet in case I'd dropped part of the voting paper but no..... there was only two on there........

And guess what, they were Conservative and Liberal.... thats it, no more. As far as I'm concerned thats not a choice.......

So, being the mature responsible adult I am........ a drew a huge cock on the ballot paper.

I toyed with the idea of staying up all night just so I could catch Jonathon Dimbleby announce the results for the Runnymede and Weybridge ward.... "....and results just in for Runnymede and Weybridge.... Conservatives 106,452...... Liberals 24,901...... and one feck-off huge hand-drawn cock"

RESULTS: Conservatives got in again..... heres to more empty office blocks and Luxury housing.... feckers.

Saint George - Patron Saint of Syphillis

Hmmm, Sunday will be Saint George's Day - Patron St. Of England

Yes, thats right...... That bloke who kills dragons and saves the damsel in distress is also the bloke to seek out if you've gotton yourself a dose of the pox. In fact, it gets better, cos' the fella is also the patron St. for all skin rashes and diseases ...... including Leprosy (calling leprosy a "skin rash" does belittle it a tad, but you get the drift I expect)

Now this really IS the kind of Saint I'd want for England.... I've no idea how you go about getting a patronage for a Saint, but I think we should also include Shell Suits and Burberry as part of George's Patronage collection.

So, in honor of our great nation and it's ravenous appetite for other peoples culture I'd like to share with you what I think "being English" really is....

"Being English is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer... then traveling home and grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most English thing of all?

Suspicion of anything foreign "

*and yes, I guess I am English. Does that make me proud? No not really, my pride lies in my children, and one day England will be proud of them.