....and only because its funny.

Just how many dimensions does this world have? I'm not on about the current theory of the Universe, string mechanics or 'brain dimensions. I'm talking about the state of peoples minds and how we change at different rates in relation to others..... and on occasions chemical imbalances either prescription induced or recreational.

Talking of mad bastards and chemically induced states I'd just like to confirm that at this moment in time I have nothing against Simon. (Simon is a mate from another time (space and interface) that has in the last few weeks become a figment of my reality). In fact, I think he's a bit of a lord. No really, as I sit here soaking up a cocktail of Tramadol and Citalopram with a hint of Miles Hunt's "Note to self" filling the air with it's own "string vibrations" I can only admire Simon's current position within society and contributions made.

So, Simon, stop being a bit of a cock, no-one is taking sides (ok, I might be, or could that be paranoia?).

Come on, get ya finger out (no pun intended) and have some Brother Lee Love. I understand you have difficulty playing the guitar nowadays, although I'd doubt I'd notice any difference, but don't let that encourage me. You could always join in on all the other fine things us middle aged fat and baldy bastards would like to get up to but cant anymore.

After all, some of us will be dead soon.

Love, Light and Happiness (found printed on the arse end of life..... of course)

Name that cover art

Do you think this image was the inspiration behind that Vinyl cover art?

Ardvreck Castle

Come on Goober, name that Single/Mini LP and band...... actually, if you know me then you already know that there's less than a handful of Bands it could be.... ok, perhaps just two then.... and it doesn't look like something shot in Birmingham....

Narrower than an IBM managers imagination.

Arse.

Horden Pit

Two miles south from Easington Colliery in Country Durham is Horden. Just another East Durham pit village. It's still there, in name. Changed beyond recognition... not particularly its layout and environs, but it's people.... and that goes for almost all of the east Durham pit villages.

Sometimes when I think of the people I grew up around, the community and its characters I can hardly believe it's all gone.

"The profit's too small for the black suited boys"

So, I found a documentary on the closure of Horden Pit in the mid 1980's. It gives a fairly good insight into what was lost...... and there was a lot to loose.

It's in 4 parts, the quality isn't too great and will probably only interest the northern contingent of this blog....... Here's the first part, other parts will be links under the video player.

Click here for Part 2

Click here for Part 3

Click here for Part 4

Are your whites as white as mine?

It's not the first time I've heard of this report. Apparently my old home town is the "whitest place in England and Wales"**

That's some claim. There were not a lot of different colours going on from what I remember.... The only black faces seen were from shift changes at the pit and "Love Thy Neighbour" on ITV. Since the early 90's and the closure of the pit that statement no longer applies......... and I'm too scared to watch Love They Neighbour just in case.....

So.... no blacks, no Irish, no Polish, no Asians, no Scottish, no Africans, no Welsh, no French, no Germans, no Inuit...... just us white, working class types..... with a fantastic Chinese Take Away.

Has being ethnically un-diverse made me a racist? Well, probably, but not in the context of your definition of a racist. Just because I can do maths and understand statistics and therefore wont go walking about in Hackney after dark dosent mean I'm racist, it simply means my god (at times) is the law of averages.

The long walk to school

** Just out of interest......... are ginger people counted in with the "whites" or "non whites"?

".....recording new tracks for the EP"

Can you get your people to talk to my people darling? I shall be "in session" recording the new EP, hmmm, hmmm, hmmmmmmmmmm.

So, it's all set. Finally we get to etch our acoustic vibrations onto the waxy cylinder Thomas Eddison raved about in 1066 just before he fell on an arrow. Please, not all at once!....... you'll get a chance to listen or even BUY this EP at some point as we know a clever man who can transfer an Eddison Cylinder into 0's and 1's and make it appear on a tellyputer in EmpeeIII

This isn't the first time I've had the pleasure of being directly involved in producing some form of music, in 1999 and 2000 I funded, arranged, directed, shouted, shoved, fed and watered Goober to produce a couple of "cottage industry" CD's that actually made enough lolly to.... well.... buy a few lollies actually. My Mate Pete was also in attendance and provided light entertainment and an assortment of sandwiches all washed down with lashing of ginger beer. Hurrah!

In fact, below is a vid I did from the "footage" I took while in the studio recording some "Goober". The track is "Brother" by Goober, inspired by a Friday night out in Easington Colliery and how some people change over time while others remain in a teenagers mind set..... or it could be about the demise of light engineering in the late 19th century.

The dancing fool in the Sunderland away shirt, small nose - me

Baldy bloke. big nose - Goober

Baldy skinny bloke, big nose - Keith

Baldy bloke with glasses, normal nose - My Mate Pete

Full head of hair bloke, big nose - Simon

Man on the flight deck, big nose - Jez

Baldy bloke on Goobers T-shirt with normal nose - Miles Hunt

Ted Rogers - himself

More experiments

OK, this shows the brief "meeting" between the guards (who had lost control at this point) and the prisoners to decide if we should end it all and go home or continue being on the telly..... all hidden to make it look like we were continuing the "social study".

The ring leaders "Edwards and Petkin" (prisoners) had been a pain in the arse, childish and arrogant. It was more of a playground than a social experiment

I should point out that there is a little bad language (maybe I should of explained that earlier, Opps, sorry).

Ok, enought of the hip thing, we get it....

I dug out the DVD of me on the telly, and with nothing better to do decided to slice out a bit and put it here...

This was 6 years ago, I'm now much prettier to look at and have a bright green racing car.


and here's the title sequence from the show....

I'd like to thank....

Well, looks like I'll be moving to a new gaff next week.

This has all been going on since early January, but I've not really blogged about it..... mainly because of my inherent bad luck when making something public knowledge... so I've kept my gob shut.

As it stands at the moment I've had a mortgage offer, the sellers have accepted, dates have been confirmed and there's a large bag of money somewhere in south London with the sellers name written all over it.

But the best bit of all? it'll be all mine! (in 25 years time that is).

There'll be no soul sucking woman in the background waiting for the moment when she can legally take everything I own, make me bankrupt, have me thrown in jail for frowning and making her "fear for her own safety" which will enable her to take my children to live with some fat idiot in a house paid for and furnished by me.... all with the full backing and support of the legal system.

So, I'd like to thank the following people for making this purchase possible...

My ex wife: for making me see how shallow, greedy and dishonest one human being can be.

Emily: for being so special. It made me put a lot of fear to one side so she can eventually have something to call her own.

Chuckie: for pushing me mentally to get this done.

My Financial Advisor: for not laughing too much at my predicament and helping me through this minefield.

For Jillian (my niece)....and my sister Susan.

It seems an explanation is required for a previous post.

So, to answer your question... no.... no I'm not in love with the ex wife Linda. I may be "in love" with that particular time in my life, but its a far cry from actually being in love with someone I haven't seen or heard from in the last 13 years.

It has been suggested that if Linda was to "reappear" I'd drop everything to be with her. Hmmmm, that's an interesting one. I'd like nothing better than to meet up with Linda, I think she's got a lot of explaining to do, some of which could end the remorse and guilt I know she should be suffering from. But if the suggestion is that I'd give up "who I am" and "what I've got" to be with at best a liar and worst an internally deceased emotionally barren purveyor of STD's then some people need to update their perceptions........

(wow I just read that back... for someone who says he doesn't care I'm sure putting a lot of emotion into it! Yikes)

Anyhow, what you need to understand is that "those" people no longer exist, there is no-one to fall in love with.

There are three things you should never return to, no matter what.

1. A dud firework
2. An ex girlfriend (this includes Ex Wives who "re-appear" with delusional expectations)
3. A wounded Ninja

I hope that puts an end to any confusion about the ex wife.

If there was a drug.....

The sun is low, there’s a slight frost. I stand at the window, it’s cold. Cold enough to warrant a sly smile, the kind that you know has come from a past memory.

I see me now, looking from my window, grey and alone. But it’s not what I see in my heart, I see me at age 23, looking from a different window onto a different scene but lit in exactly the same way.

My silent here-and-now world is in stark contrast to the one I’m re-living in my minds eye. There’s the empty but running Ford Escort that holds my attention, I started the engine, turned on the heaters then re-entered the house and took up my position at the window, watching the car as the windscreen defrosted….. and waiting for Linda before we drive into Durham.

I’m almost 40

and occasionally, I still find myself waiting for her.

The song in my head right now was written for me sometime ago
This is The Truth, written and performed by Goober

In this place.....

You never really leave home. Physically you may get in the car, on a bus or train with ya bags packed, but mentally, you never leave.

Sometimes, when I feel the need, I mentally walk into 3 George Avenue. I time travel back to those days when I really thought my life would never change. I guess I never wanted it to change….

I can walk upto that huge green wooden gate, left hand over the press down latch, right hand on the corner of the gate ready to lift it slightly as my thumb brings the latch up. So, many, details.

Visually check how deep the puddle is next to the kitchen extension, I go down one step, around the corner to my left towards the front door.

A quick glance to the left through the window, see if I can see me mar in the kitchen…, glance to the right where the dog kennel is, if the dogs are in there, then there’s no-one at home…. then onto the front door.

Sometimes, I just stand there… mentally… knowing that this whole scene exists nowhere else except inside me, no one else can see me, no one else knows about this.

I visualise a “Matrix” style 360 degree third person spin…. The kitchen extension, the front door, bathroom window, the dog kennel, coal house. I can see it in all weathers, dry, wet, covered in 4 feet of snow…. My brothers Honda 125, on its stand flickers in and out the picture like a scene from the original “Time Machine” film

This time I won’t go inside. I’ll leave it for now. There’s a myriad of memories behind that door, every one of them a scene that has me captivated as I try to analyse and make sense of it all

The song in my head right now is Big Country’s “In This Place”….