Oh...there you are!

Well, well, well....

How naughty of me. Leaving you all here on your own. Well, never mind, I'm back now.

Whats that? My long hair and beard suits me? well, thank you. I think it makes me look more, well...... hairy.

So where was I? oh yes, patronising my dwindling audience and dumbing down the overall experience to the level of Day Time TV.

Now, there's been a lot happening over the last 4 weeks since my last mistake brought me here. From deep penetrative sex to mountain climbing and beyond, it's been a bit of a roller coaster non of which I'm goning into detail about.

apart from the mountain climbing....

So, a year ago, pending my expectant hip operation I decided to climb a large hill in the lake district as a motivator to help me get well again. Well, it finally happened last weekend and nine of us managed to traverse "Helm Crag" in glorious conditions. Theres pictures to prove it too....

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

I must say a massive thank you to the people who turned out to support me. Sharon, Aaron, Pooch, The Brummnies, Pete, Kat and not forgetting Liz who helped sooth my aching buttocks afterwards.

PS: Oh yes, the summit.... well, Helm Crag has a very steep and (to me) suicidal sheer rock called the "Howitser". The ONLY person to reach the very top within our group was Aaron, who turned up wearing his work clothes and a tesco's bag filled with emergency rations of crisps and pop. Later we all agreed he was nothing more than a wippersnapper and had nothing to do with the majority of us being grossly overweight, 15 years his seniour and in need of oxygen.

It's not all 50 degree lean angles

Oh.... it's been awhile then.

I think the last 2+ years of blogging was more to do with Tramadol than it was about me. Since kicking the habit I've felt a definitive decline in spewing forth meaningless drivel..... its a small price to pay for a more levelled existence.

The Hip: is now more or less fixed. I was out in the garden playing badminton with Em after doing a 2 mile walk to see the bluebell woods in Hatchlands Park (pictures here)

Last weekend was my first real bike tour since the op. A 4 Day tour of Devon with an average of 200+ miles a day (no straight roads in sight)..... and it was marvelous! (Pictures here)

So I guess this is probably the start of the slowdown with blogging. No doubt there'll be the odd one or two posts, but nothing like the flood from the past...... unless it all goes horribly wrong of course.

My first day back in the flat didn't exactly go to plan. It's only now I feel sort of OK to get anywhere near the PC.

There's no mincing words here, this is painful. It's not the hip itself, to my astonishment the constant grinding pain I've had for the last 4 years has gone........ sorry, just reading that, and feeling that has me almost in tears...... pull yourself together man!... its the muscles... and not just the ones in my leg. My entire center region, back, and right leg is murder as I'm compensating for being partially turned inside out. My left thigh with its two large drain holes and foot long incision isn't exactly in party mood either, but that should have calmed down within a few weeks.

So, after getting rather frustrated last night with pain, things being outta reach, other things getting in the way I managed to lob several items around the room before limping very slowly to bed where I spent the next 3 or so hours asleep. Unfortunately, the dreaded night sweats made short work of any sleep and I ended up back in the living room feeling useless, tired and awake again...... but as a better man than me once said.... "and the sun that beats on the window, in the morning, is a doorway"**

Another reason, which I knew was coming but has been conveniently ignored by the medical people (I'm not apportioning blame here, it was all my own doing) is the withdrawal from my one time saviour Tramadol. Having JUST stopped reading some reports of prolonged use of Tramadol and subsequent withdrawal symptoms I think a trip to the Doc is advised sooner rather than later..... Night sweats, joint pain, sleeplessness, depression, mood swings, rapid beard growth and speaking in tongues have been reported.

This all could look like I'm already after another debilitating excuse not to get myself pulled round. Maybe it is, but I'm not clinically qualified to interpret my ID, or even to remember where I saw it last.

So, in good old Dawson fashion I'll retreat to my old reliables who have helped deal with the mental assault courses I've ran in the past...... Mr Hunt, Mr Scobie and Mr Adamson, stage right if you please.

All that..... I'll be fine once I've had a Kebab.


** Stuart Adamson, Big Country, "Seven Waves Away"

Thank you.....

Ok, I'm writing this from my hospital bed, morph'ed up to the eye balls 'cos the Physio wanted me to play hopscotch....

No not really, just standing is enough right now.

I'm no longer tethered to a couple of Tesco's carrier bags and tubing draining what seems to be a rainbow of coloured liquids from me. The catheter was hardly noticeable when it was removed, but when they pulled the drains outta my leg I swung for the nurse...... at lest I would of if I wasn’t screaming uncontrollably and biting my way through several sheets and a mattress.

But that’s all over with now, I just have to concentrate on learning to walk again.... The physio is thorough, which matches my determination to get the new hip working again.... but it does take its toll. Just standing takes every bit of strength I have, at the same time I'm trying to block the pain and not think about the prosthetic sheering off (it can happen) and leaving me with shards of bone sticking through my thigh.

I know that’s all sounds rather depressing, but the nurses here a lords and are quite happy putting up with my rather different approach to healthcare...... or anything really.

I have to say a very large thanks to Pooch and John for keeping me entertained and supplied with bits and pieces..... Emily came in yesterday to see me, although you could see she wasn’t too happy seeing me like this, but it made a colossal difference to my mood.. So, thanks to Gary for driving both Sue and my little fruitloop in to see me, very much appreciated.

and a massive thank you to all the people leaving messages on this blog, sending txts and phoning me, sometimes I forget there are genuine people out there who care.

I think I'm ready to zonk out again, physio is back in a few hours to point and laugh......

Oh well never mind then.

Sushi'ed

Monday 18th February.

Is fast approaching. This will be the day I get my hip resurfacing done. Hurrah!

Of course I'm not looking forward to.... errrm, well...... a multitude of wild and mostly unpleasant experiences. Of course it's all for the greater good, but it simply wouldn't be ME if I didn't stick the knife in (pun intended) and grind away at the bits medical professionals put in the file marked "This may be a little bit uncomfortable Mr Dawson".

Now, lets get this phrase into context. "This may be a little bit uncomfortable Mr Dawson"

A quick Google for "Uncomfortable" pulls up this definition:

providing or experiencing physical discomfort; "an uncomfortable chair"; "an
uncomfortable day in the hot sun"

Yes, that's it, an uncomfortable chair or a day in the hot sun.. That would be my definition too. Which makes me wonder just what the feck these doctors are sitting on at home and how often they are holidaying in Death Valley.

There's just no mention ANYWHERE of jamming a tube up ya japs eye then inflating a large balloon inside your bladder...... Nor the mental anguish and anticipation of being wide awake when its removed. It's just something I don't equate to sitting on a lumpy sofa. I would imagine the orderly who drew the short straw (pun not intended) would agree.




Another "uncomfortable" situation the doctors would like me to experience is walking the length of the room just HOURS after being filleted, drilled, rivited, welded, knifed, stabbed, stapled, stitched and punched until unconscious. They say it's to get the circulation going again, but I would suggest the blood sodden dressing and the rivulets of claret matted with my leg hair would be evidence enough my circulation is coping fine.

All this while screaming like a girl for my mother is not something I'd ever imagine doing after a day in the Hartlepool Sun.

Anyhow, I'd just like to take this opportunity to let people know that should I kark it on the table all my worldly goods and numerous insurance policies should be used to pay off my debts and the left over be put into trust for Emily....... The rest of the Dawson family can get knotted, I know that sounds ungrateful, ignorant, uncaring and selfish but does reciprocate the general attitude experienced over the last 15 years.

Obviously, that's not gonna happen, so If you are reading this Sis/Bro/Dad then instead of getting all "How very dare you" on me just think on who's got the most healthy kidneys for transplant should you need one.

This could be the very last entry before my Op..... or ever. So, if you're still reading this, and have NEVER commented before then please leave a message... you don't even need to sign up to anything, just leave it as anonymous.

Love light and happiness.

David...

Shut up ya girl

I know, I know..... look, it'll be worth while, trust me I know doctors, dentists and architects.

Day one in the house (using authentic northern accent).

Ok, I probably need to start at the beginning, remember my knackered hip? the one they were going to fix then decided they hadn't raped my insurance company enough so cancelled it and ran some unnecessarily expensive tests involving a myriad of specialists all eager for a slice of the Xmas bonus cake? Well, I now have a new date for the Op. It's February 18th. Hurrah? Hmmm.

Except I hate February. It's just not my month..... people die, wives run off and I become significantly older. February has no place on this earth, it's simply there to prolong winter and keep evenings dark, and don't let the 28 day thing fool ya, each day has 26 hours in it to make up for the short fall......... Hateful.

So after all the tests it seems my blood pressure is far too high for an operation (195/110 yesterday), so it needs to come down. As there were 5 weeks to the Operation the Doc seemed quite confident it could be done with nothing more than a hand full of potent chemicals.

I guess all was going sort of OK. but then work decided everything was going far too smoothly and lobbed a spanner in the works, the spanner was in the shape of several idiots each attempting to stamp their authority on things they know nothing about...... Under normal circumstances, this could be considered, well, normal circumstances for this company. Unfortunately for me it has the effect of keeping my BP higher than a perfect darts score.

So, as each visit to the Doc revealed my BP was getting higher and not lower it was decided I should not return to work before the Op.......

That means I've had to tell work I cant be involved in their Fantasy Remedy League any longer. Which of course gives them the "Golden Scapegoat" card they'll need when reality kicks in and their mothers call them in for Tea. "It was that fat lad wot done it, not us" wil lbe rining out from boardrooms as I write.

So there you have it. I have to cry off work like a girl so I can eventually walk around like everyone else on the street without looking like I've shat myself.

127/72 pulse 67 at 11am. Something seems to be working!

Update....

Still no update available for the Op..... As per usual, the private sector is as useless as the public... I've lost confidence in the doctors and hospital involved. (The Nuffield at Woking, UK)

I've had to call, push and shout just to get information as to what's going on.... and still no reply.

If there's anyone out there who fancies the best part of £20k to fit me a new hip then please get in touch.

On a happier note... Tomorrow will be the last time I have to drive that damn awful Ford Fiesta. I've been told to "leave it in the company car park, someone will eventually collect it". Which I think is code for "park it up on the embankment and leave the handbrake off"

So, tomorrow I'll be attempting to get to grips with the new car... with its automatic transmission. That's gonna be a few weeks of "interesting" driving...

CANCELLED

Well, come Monday I'll not be unzipped like a cheap duffel bag and have my crumbling hip exchanged for a nice new shiny one.... It's been cancelled.

Apparently the gas-man took one look at my EEG and waved the white flag.

And that is that..... My heart is good enough to haul my fat arse around but not good enough for an anesthetic.

Lovely, don't mind me, I'll just carry on in agony for the next 40 years as a cripple.

T minus 3 days and counting.....

I think I'm still having my new hip on Monday, "think"? Hmmmm... I went for a pre-op check up on Tuesday, all seems to be fine except for my irregular heartbeat.

It's so irregular the blood pressure machine refused to register my existence and it had to leave the room in shame.... apparently, "it's never happened to it before".... and "It's probably stress, what with work and everything....."

No-one seems too bothered, especially me, I think I've reached the point where I want it over and done with. And to be honest, it's not actually ME they're concerned about, it's more to do with cheap daytime TV adverts

I also had a lengthy chat with the Physio. She seems to think it'll be a walk in the park (with lengthy spells of screaming) as long as I stick to the exercises.

On a good note she did say I'd be able to resume sexual relations within 3-4 weeks after surgery...... which was very nice of her to offer but I suggested we should start dating first then see how things progress.... I mean, how could I possibly feel secure with someone who seemingly offers sex to everyone post hip replacement?

There's still a question on how I go about certain bodily functions, putting on socks/shoes, dealing with steps, getting in/out of cars, shopping, cooking and generally not ending up a stinking mass of congealed excrement jammed in a corner of the flat for a prolonged period of time.

I can see several positive creative "challenges" coming my way in the next few weeks!

Oh, it looks like I'll be finally getting my new automatic car soon. Delivery is set for the 19th of November..... 2 weeks into my 6 weeks of an enforced driving ban... Lovely. I can sit and watch "The Lodger" wave and drive off in my car.

The Plan (walking up a hill in the Lake District) Part 2

Do you remember my PLAN on walking up a hill in the Lake District?

Well, I've had to change the hotel as the original one is fully booked..... but at least I'm booked in! (to the new hotel)

The new gaff can be found here. It's called the Red Lion and is situated right in the middle of Grasmere.

Just to remind people, I'm doing this walk to celebrate my new hip...... and to help me focus on getting it "bedded in"

If anyone is still up for this walk to the top of Helm Crag in The Lake District, Grasmere

on the weekend of August 22-24 2008

the plan is to arrive Friday, walk the hill Saturday morning, get drunk Saturday evening, leave Sunday afternoon after a massive Sunday Lunch.

then feel free to come along. There's no need to book a hotel if ya don't want to, I'm doing it cos I'll need a place to oil the knackered old bones once I've done it.

Countdown has started

a new shiney hip will be spliced into place on

Monday 5th November 2007

My hip which looks, well, kinda like this...

will then be "shaped" using this.....

and will eventually look something like this....

bugger..... it all looks rather.... painful.

New leg on the cards!

Folks, it's getting closer.... I can almost smell that tell tail copper tang that gives away the spillage of claret.

Yesterday I had a consultation with the head chopper cropper in Hip replacement surgery. Top bloke if a little self assured about his chosen profession.

There's no getting away from it, surgeons are not normal people.

Most people who show an overly keen interest in slicing into unconscious humans usually end up being dramatized in an ITV Tuesday night special and having to answer to 21 stone "Maureen" in the men's showers at the Big House

Fortunately for me, this fella decided to get some medical qualifications and keep the crossed-out stick men on the bonnet of his car to a minimum.

So, the plan is for me to have a Birmingham Hip Replacement, also known as Hip Resurfacing sometime in November of this year. (Birmingham eh! Seems that a lot of troubles in my life have been solved by things from Birmingham..... you know who you are!)

I'm still waiting on the insurance company's approval....... (long pause)

BASTARDS!

Sorry..... I have a mental image of some Standard Life rep bent over my policy attempting to find the medieval small print that denies a payout due to whistling on Tuesdays.

No.... I'm sure it'll be fine.

So, there's a lot of compromises I've gotta except if this all goes ahead.... I'm not too worried about the Op or the pain, its the after care and not being able to drive to pick up Em that's gonna be the killer.

4-8 weeks off work and not being able to do normal things...... hmmm.

Still, the outlook is fairly good, by Feb '08 I could be completely fixed!

I'm mmmeeeelllltinggggggg...

Yes, it's official..... Just like the Wicked Witch of the West I too am melting.

It was confirmed by my recent visit to the rheumatologist who agreed that "whatever" caused my hip to dissolve is now chewing its way through my left knee, hence the pain keeping me awake during the night.

He did give me the medical name for it, I cant remember it of course..... in layman's terms its some lining in or around the knee joint that's inflamed (they don't know why its inflamed) which causes the intense pain.....

I have my own theory..... As I'm not involved in a relationship my body is missing the intense emotional pain caused by the constant tedium of enforced companionship and so has turned against my left hip and knee and is slowly dissolving them from the inside out.

So, as the rheumatologist has more or less washed his hands of me I'll be back to see the knife-man. No doubt he'll complain about my collection of fat but at least its a painful limp in the right direction.


So, to lighten the mood can you think of ANY other characters from TV/Movies or books that have melted?

Here's some to get you started....

Wicked Witch of the West (The Wizard Of Oz)
Me

A Gammy leg and a crap car

People around me know that I hate my latest company car (I know, I'm very lucky to even have a company car, but that's not the point), mostly I hate it 'cos I stupidly decided which car to have purely on economic grounds .... this meant I ended up with a Ford Fiesta 1.4 Ghia Diesel.... and what a mistake that was.

I dunno what the hell has happened to Ford, but this car is nasty. Externally, it looks like two separate cars welded together, there's no way the same designer created the rear and the front of this car. Internally its just as bad, built to a budget (a very very small one at that) and barely functional

I choose the Ghia option as I thought it would add a little comfort to a basic car.... in fact, the £1200 extra for the Ghia version added 4x Ghia badges, rain sensing wipers and a silver gear knob (and no, its not real silver)

I understand that a diesel engine can be a little more noisy, but this thing is deafening..... whenever I drive the car I have a flock of seagulls (the feathered variety and not the 80's pop band) behind me wondering when I'm gonna start ploughing.... It really is that bad.

But it is cheap to run..... it requires no oil or servicing and a tank full of chip fat will last for 400 miles.... so I guess it's done its job so far....

But now I'm getting the chance to change it.... why? cos of my gammy leg! I just happened to mention it to the fleet manager, and he/she said under the current agreement I can change the car to an automatic on medical grounds.... and as there are no affordable automatics in the pool I can go ahead and order a brand new motor (as long as its an auto).

I do know it wont be another FORD and not just because the Fiesta is a bag of arse. The main reason for not wanting another FORD is their Franchise holder Dagenham Motors.... They have to be the rudest people I've had the misfortune to deal with. A truly awful bunch of people to work with.

I'll let ya know what I get...

The Plan

It's not certain, but I'm fairly sure I'll be getting a new leg soon (when I say leg, I actually mean hip, but effectively, it's a new leg).
I've not seen the quacks yet, but I've had enough, Emily has had enough, work has had enough, and anyone who reads this has probably had enough....
The only person who hasn't had enough is my Rheumatologist who charges £200 a visit to do little more than grimace at me half undressed and who fails to inspire confidence by asking me "which hip is it again?"

I think it's time to book an appointment with Dr Mengele again.

The other reason for wanting the opp now is that I'm the size of a small bungalow (furnished with a large unkempt garden at the rear) with less mobility. You see, as my mobility decreases my lard content increases, and the easiest way I've found for loosing the lard is to walk... (the distance I can walk without inflickting damage is rapidly decreasing, anything over half a mile now has me in agony).

and so to the plan....

I want to climb (walk) up Helm Crag in the Lake District about this time next year.

You see, I figure that if I have my new leg fitted at the end of October this year, I'll probably be fit enough to walk up a steep hill by August/September 2008.

I've chosen Helm Crag mainly because of a certain Mr A Wainwright's Pictorial Guides to the Lake Land Fells. A 7 book series to the fells (hills and bigger hills but not quite mountains) within the Lake District (North West England).

Helm Crag is a little easier than some of the other monsters and has a fantastic view of the valley and Grasmere..... all I need is some basic walking gear and the best part of a day to do it.... and a hotel to stay for the weekend.

I'd like to do all this on a weekend, drive up there, book into a hotel, Saturday morning walk to the summit of Helm Crag and spend the rest of the evening in the hotel bar celebrating with my new hip.... then home at some point Sunday..... after the traditional Sunday Lunch of course.

I'm gonna book a room for myself at the Waterside Hotel in Grasmere for the weekend of 22/23 August 2008.... although they arnt taking bookings for August 2008 as yet.

I know its a long way off (time wise), but if anyone fancies tagging along they are more than welcome.

Very important kettle news

So Emily has outgrown the local park when it comes to cycling, the next step was to find somewhere she can ride without having to deal with traffic. Not a problem, I remember the Lookout in Bracknell has miles and miles of cycleways for her to play on..... only this time I'd have to join her..... on my own bicycle. That of course introduces more problems, things like, can I actually ride a bike with my gammy leg? will the bike still work (it's been at the back of the garage for about 7 years), and how the hell do I transport two bicycles in a Ford Fiesta?

Ok, problem one: Can I still ride a bike with my gammy leg?

Yes, I tested my ability by borrowing the lodgers bike (sorry bicycle, if you know my lodger then you'll also know about his stash of marriage certificates) . Surprising enough it didn't hurt at all, well the riding didn't, but getting my leg over did (oh boy, that last statement rings true in so many other situations). I found that if I almost lay the bike flat I can straddle it then lift it into position... it looks just as stupid as it sounds... but it works.

Problem two: Does my bike still work 7 years on?

Yes. The tires needed pumping up, a little WD40 in a few places and new batteries for the lights and cycle computer and it was set.

Problem three: Fitting two bikes to a Ford Fiesta

Solved by shedding out £50 on a bike rack, which to my surprise actually worked!

S0, Sunday saw Em and me in Swinley Forest attempting to circumnavigate other cyclists, walkers, walkers with buggies, runners, runners with buggies and what looked like the entire contents of Battersea Dogs Home.... also with buggies.

Anyway, we managed to dodge them all but did succumb a few times to the loose gravely surface but escaped with only slight bruises to the ego. The important part was Em loved it all, and through falling off she also gained knowledge of braking and picking out a more stable route.

Like to see some pictures? well you cant cos I forgot my camera, anyhow, it's not pretty seeing me on a bike, especially in shorts (no, not cycling shorts, there are limits.... and probably decency laws).

Instead, here's a picture of my new kettle

Water.....

I'm a product of the industrial 70's. I'm built from processed foods, crimpolene, terylene, artificial sweeteners and I probably contain more E numbers than a primary school's kitchen



My body has a half life of several thousand years and will continue to contaminate the water table for some time to come..... although I do seem to be dissolving from the inside out.... my hip and thyroid is one example and the other is currently blocking the lavatory back at the flat (sorry about that John*..... I attempted to tackle it this morning but as I approached it with the kitchen chair and the builders trowel I swear it growled at me!)

This of course has nothing to do with this post... well not much. You see, I just happened to come across a TV program some weeks ago that suggested Aspartame could be linked with the onset and continuation of arthritis, which is the diagnosis I've been given for my knackered hip.

So, I thought I'd attempt to remove this artificial sweetener from my diet...

That means not drinking anymore "diet" soft drinks (amongst other things of course). So, I was on water only..... I've never been fond of drinking water, I dont really like the taste.... and I've seen what fish do it in.... Then there's bottled water, which has too much of a poncy feeling about it... no, It'll have to be filtered tap water. UK tap water is about as pure as you can get, really..... I filter it cos of the fish thing. I know its irrational, but with the help of a Brita water filter I'm overcoming it.

You know, this chilled filtered tap water is quite nice, I do lapse occasionally and have the odd can of Pepsi Max, but not often. I've even been testing out some brands of Tea.... I'm currently drinking two types at the moment......Twinings Pure White Tea and a Ginger Herbal Tea... which is surprisingly tasty.

Next week I shall be experimenting with Yoga.







* John is my lodger, he rents a room from me. He is not my gay live in lover. If I was gay I'd pick someone much better looking (someone "scrummy")

Is that bone I can smell burning?

Damn my dodgy hip....

I'm at the stage where I'm attempting to help my daughter to ride a bike. She's 6 and very confident..... which is great, but you do need some basics before you take the training wheels off... like the ability to point the bike in a direction that dosent end up in a collision with either people, trees, kerbs or me. The use of "brakes" seems to be an afterthought... usually after she's hit something.

So, I've been out to the park attempting to "help".... but how? I've found it very difficult to just "let her go" or perhaps that should read "let her fall off".... I got her knee protectors, elbow protectors, hand protectors and a cycle helmet, but its still not enough to put my mind at rest. Maybe I should let her wear the gear instead of me..

Eventually my hip decided it was time I should let her go, I'm not built for jogging in any condition let alone 23 degrees of sunshine.... unless being chased by carnivorous wild animals which thankfully are few and far between within the M25 area. Actually, I'm not really built for any kind of outside hard labour, my genes lie with a life of cold underground digging. When I'm exposed to sunshine my skin turns from its natural northern blue-white shade to a very angry and burnt red colour.

Anyhow, Emily did very well, she scared herself a few times as well as a few passing joggers and dog walkers but didn't actually fall off. Best of all she enjoyed it although she didn't quite get to ride without the training wheels.... maybe next week

I had to resort to a heroic dose of combined pain killers and the walking stick came out to play again..... I just hope Em cracks riding the bike sooner rather than later as the smell of burning hip joint isn't pleasant.

Oh well.

I'm In!

It's taken me 17 years to get to this point.

but as of the 15th of this month I can now officially call Ocean Finance and get myself some debt consolidation secured entirely on my new home.

how comforting and refreshing.

Anyhow, everything is now moved. All done without the aid of payed movers which I'll never do again.... it was a nightmare. I managed to over do it and bust my hip again and if it wasn't for the following people who gave up time and a little sweat I'd still be in the old gaff in a pool of my own waste.

So, I'd like to thank....

• The lodger (Mr Wall, who's transformation into "White Van Man" was like something from Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde)
• Chuckie (who supplied heaps of muscle and fat man power)
• Pooch (muscle and bike talk)
• Paul Haygreen (supplier of muscle and a large Audi Estate)

without these fellas, it wouldn't happen.

Check my bins...

I'll be packing tonight... until I move on Thursday.

I think it'll be an equal split between stuff I need to keep and stuff I should keep but cant be arsed to.

Things I've had to throw out so far.....

1. Sony DV Camcorder with remote, spare battery, cleaning tape and case.
2. Bin bags full of XXL clothing I never wore
3. Enough PC parts to make at least 2 reasonable computers and dozens of mice/keyboards
4. Motocross helmet
5. Full set of leathers for a smallish woman
6. 2x Motorcycle jackets
7. Rotofit hamster house
8. Tivo
9. Sony VHS Recorder
   
10. Single Bed
11. Lodger
    

The bodies under the floorboards can stay... that febreze stuff is great.

And dont worry about not giving me a hand to shift all this stuff.... I'm sure with enough tramadol, ibuprofen and paracetamol the constant pain in my hip will subside after the first couple of trips down the 3 flights of stairs in my present flat.....after all, I've got all my family to give a hand! what with the constant visiting and phone calls I get from them you'd never think I'm ONLY 4 HOURS DRIVE AWAY.