Failure...........
My daughter said something to me yesterday that had me fighting back the tears. They weren't tears of hope and joy, they weren't tears of disappointment either, they were tears of failure. A failure on my part to give her the love and stability a little girl needs when growing up...... What she said hurt me more than anything I've felt before.... and the scar it leaves will be the ugliest I'll ever have.
We were in the car, I was taking her back home and she said to me.
She's five years old..... she loves anything pink or with a "Barbie" logo on it, she loves colouring-in, drawing and play make-up, ponies, chips with red sauce and getting up really early in the morning to watch cartoons with me.......
but tonight she's having to think of ways to be with her Daddy....
Some good has come out of this, I'm now invulnerable to things that would of emotionally tore me to bits... How do I know this? I had a series of phone calls this morning, things were said and done that hit at the very core of my beliefs in love and trust. I waited for the hate and disappointment to well up..... but it didn't come, because its not important anymore..... and never will be.
We were in the car, I was taking her back home and she said to me.
"I'm going to miss you Daddy...... not just tonight, but every day......... When I'm old enough to drive I'm going to buy a car and come to see you every day"
She's five years old..... she loves anything pink or with a "Barbie" logo on it, she loves colouring-in, drawing and play make-up, ponies, chips with red sauce and getting up really early in the morning to watch cartoons with me.......
but tonight she's having to think of ways to be with her Daddy....
Some good has come out of this, I'm now invulnerable to things that would of emotionally tore me to bits... How do I know this? I had a series of phone calls this morning, things were said and done that hit at the very core of my beliefs in love and trust. I waited for the hate and disappointment to well up..... but it didn't come, because its not important anymore..... and never will be.
5 comments:
Awwww... That's sad, but it's also very very cute. Yer not a failure, but I am sorry you and her mother had a falling out.
I sort of know how you feel (sort of). I leave my son with my mom sometimes when I work on the weekends and that's hard on me. If I couldn't see him everyday it would just about kill me inside.
My little guy can't talk yet, but his smile and tears speak volumes. I'm sure when he does start talking, and says little things like your daughter said, I will be sobbing, curled up in a corner, crying my eyeballs out...
-mel
Bro.....
That tells us you are doing a great job. It says that you are giving her the support she needs to be a little girl. She must feel so comfortable with you. These times will pay dividends for the future too and she'll always know where to feel happy and safe. That was a really nice blog . Thanks mate its a good reminder to put things in perspective and to see what really counts. Btw did she get to play the new games? were they any good?
you're a good dad dude
chux
Jeez, mate. I don't think you should be hurting. I think you should be proud that you've raised a daughter who loves her Daddy.
Listen to Uncle Chuckie - he's right ya know!
Dave
I know how you feel mate cos my little man constantly asks when is he going to see me again and its really rough when I have to wave goodbye to him and head off down the road away from his house.
He's only 8 so I dread to think what effect all this messin about is having on him.
What convinces me that I've done the right thing is how I feel after spending 5 mins with his mother - I just want to leg it out of there and I know that I couldn't ever live with that woman again.
The guys here are right - you're doing a crackin job of bringing her up and she is a little person to be proud of.
Don't beat yaself up too much cos remember all she wants to do is spend time with you - doesn't that tell you you're her idol?
Keep it up mate you're doing the right thing!
See Above Goober
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