Saint George - Patron Saint of Syphillis

Hmmm, Sunday will be Saint George's Day - Patron St. Of England

Yes, thats right...... That bloke who kills dragons and saves the damsel in distress is also the bloke to seek out if you've gotton yourself a dose of the pox. In fact, it gets better, cos' the fella is also the patron St. for all skin rashes and diseases ...... including Leprosy (calling leprosy a "skin rash" does belittle it a tad, but you get the drift I expect)

Now this really IS the kind of Saint I'd want for England.... I've no idea how you go about getting a patronage for a Saint, but I think we should also include Shell Suits and Burberry as part of George's Patronage collection.

So, in honor of our great nation and it's ravenous appetite for other peoples culture I'd like to share with you what I think "being English" really is....

"Being English is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer... then traveling home and grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most English thing of all?

Suspicion of anything foreign "

*and yes, I guess I am English. Does that make me proud? No not really, my pride lies in my children, and one day England will be proud of them.

It's consuming my every thought....

He's gonna have to go.... probably

I simply cant be arsed with anyone under the age of 25, they are just too high maintenance.

Who am I talking about? well, its the new "flatmate". He's just a bloody nightmare and will have to go.... even tho' I've already told him he'll have to leave by the end of June (for other reasons). I may have to revise that to the end of next month.

I cant be wandering around after him picking up his dirty plates, cleaning the kitchen after he's used it and cleaning out the shower after he's been in it. Not to mention having to empty his clothes from the washing machine because he cant be arsed to do it himself.

I've told him once.... in the nicest kind of way, but I'm in two minds as to whether to tell him again or just give him his notice to leave.....I really don't want to have this hassle at all, I've much more serious things to think about

I've already had to restrict the amount of PC's he got on at once (only 1 DHCP address now active).... he's got a multiscreen PC under his desk in the living room along with a Multi Media Mini PC which is switched on over night and when he's away, not to mention his laptop in his room. It's like living with a teenager, constantly having to remind him to switch off lights, PC's and ovens (yes, he can retrieve his food from the oven but unable to switch it off).

It's a lack of respect and common decency. I'm no teacher, but if any of my kids turn out like him, I'd be ashamed to let them outta the house.

And the sun that beats on the window

In the morning is a doorway

And the sun that calls through the window

Every morning is a doorway

Just like the Queen, he's 80!

George Dawson…. 80 years old

To be honest, I wasn’t looking forward to a long weekend in Peterlee with the relatives. It’s a 5 hour drive and I’d have Emily with me. I’ve done the drive hundreds of times and it isn’t really all that bad, but how would a five year old cope?

Well, I need not of worried, she loved every minute of it… at least the bits that she was awake for. Meeting the rest of the “Dawsons” was another concern. It’s not that they are bad, mad or a tad sad…. It’s just that I don’t know who the hell they are. I have vague recollections of cousins, aunties and uncles but because of various family feuds in the past no-one has ever kept in touch. If it wasn’t for the odd one karking it every now and again I think we’d all prefer to forget about it all.

But that’s not gonna happen this weekend as it’s my Dad’s 80^th birthday and I’d promised to bring Emily up to meet the family.

There was one aspect of all this I was pleased about, and that’s “Our Susan” (the alpha female of the Dawson troop). I’ve put “Our Susan” in quotes ‘cos apparently southerners don’t use the “our” terminology when talking about their siblings, it’s a northern thing apparently….. Anyhow, for as long as I can remember “Our Susan” has had a thing about owning and maintaining children…. any children, doesn’t matter if they belong to her or not, she just loves kids…. Coming from a very close knit mining community this came in very handy for anyone living in the proximity of “Our Susan”, as she would always “look after the little’un while whoever popped off to the shops for a pound of pease pudding and a dozen flat caps”…. Her house was always full of kids, snotty nosed little gits…. each and everyone of ‘em.

So, “Our Susan” knows all the tricks of the trade in keeping a little five year-old girl happy, so after a complete new hair-do and different nail designs “Our Susan” had a new admirer.

Maybe I’ll continue this at a later date as I can see this could go on for some time. The last thing I want is for you to look at this and feel like its “homework”

Monkey Tennis

How bloody dismal eh?

It's Easter Sunday..... blokes all over the country are having a great time with their families while I sit here, on me tod. Not strictly all my own fault of course, Emily is having a great time in Italy with her mother and visiting dubious-not-really-related-family and I'm on-call which means I cant naff off on the bike to someplace more twisty....

Oh well, never mind then. I'll do something pointless, unproductive and time consuming then... That's it I got it! I'll piss off to Monkey World* in Dorset......

So, that's exactly what I did.... I set the Sat-Nav and off I went...

I think this is Amy.... or it might be Ro-ro. I dont mean to be ape-ist, but they all look the same to me

Monkey World is an Ape Rescue Center in the UK..... It was brought to my attention by my Tivo some months back when it decided to record several episodes of a program called "Monkey Business" on the Animal Planet channel. I'm addicted, but confused as Animal Planet show the episodes in no particular order.... very odd indeed.

Is there anyone here?

Wow..... that was a bit of a pause.

It's been yonks since I posted, well, what the feck, it's my blog......

Quick summary....

New Car
New PC
New CD's
New iPod
New lodger

................ old man.

None of the above have anything to do with me Dad's "investment"

I'll probably elaborate at some point.... but it'll probably turn into a rant or two.

I thought I had something really useful to say

He will be missed......

Wonder Stuff drummer dies at 41

Former Wonder Stuff drummer Martin Gilks has died a in a London hospital
following a motorcycle accident.
The band enjoyed success in the early 1990s with hits such as The Size Of
A Cow and Welcome To The Cheap Seats.

After the group split in 1994 Gilks, 41, went into management, working
with rock bands A, Reef and Hundred Reasons.

A spokesperson for his company, Furtive, said: "He was greatly loved by
many and will be sorely missed by all his family and friends."

Gilks also featured in 1980s indie band The Mighty Lemon Drops before he
joined the Wonder Stuff, who were formed in Stourbridge, West Midlands.

After a brief reunion for live shows in 2000, vocalist Miles Hunt revived
the Wonder Stuff name in 2004, but with a different line-up.

Gilks died at St George's Hospital, Tooting, on Monday of internal
injuries following Sunday's accident. He leaves a son and daughter.

A book of condolences has been opened here


"shut up....... grow up....... and get off the f*cking car"

Giggling like a girl.....

and all he said was......

"Porn doesn't whinge"

and I've been giggling about it all day. Thanks for that John, in fact, it's just too good as just a phrase, it needs to be either a song/album title.... or maybe a band name.

Mob logged

I've got/had a moblog account. I've not used it for yonks but I've started to get a lot of "comments" centered around a picture I put on there some time ago.

Very odd

Inertia, I'd call my child all the same

Well bugger me, that was an experience. Sorry to lots of people who thought I'd be updating the Lobster while "on tour" but it was just non stop and I was having far too much fun to bother about all this shite.

I simply cant thank everyone involved in "suspending these stars" enough. I had a ball, I really did. I know its taken about 2 weeks for me to write this, it's just the whole thing was one MASSIVE head feck for me. I've needed a little time, space and interface to get to grips with what I've experienced.

Twas a shame I didn't get to say my goodbye's to everyone in the crew and band, but that's what happens when ya get yaself all excited!

Russ was the star of all this really. He kept an eye on me and kept me in check....(and real ale) along with Matt & James of course!

Bollocks with it, I'm crap at thank-you's...... if you know me, you'll know how much this has meant. If ya don't know me, then your perception of a me as a twat is not 100% true.

The lobster lives....

There's no-one here to take your call.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Janice Longer...

Nope the Janice Long thing didnt happen.....

It's along (no pun inteded) story involving pluggers and producers and all that kinda stuff.

Anyhow, it'll be Norwhich Waterfront tomorrow, after we get the heating fixed on the blunder bus

It’s 01.30 am…. And I’m sitting in the “blunder bus” on my tod. There’s a very good reason for this, I’m knackered.

Everyone else is still in Cox’s Yard enjoying the hospitality and will soon be wandering back to continue the party atmosphere.

I’m just not quite ready for all that just now. There’s too many things flying through my head, like Dray’s floor tom…. I don’t think I really boxed it right…. I’ll have to sort that tomorrow when we get back into the venue to collect the gear.

The gig was fantastic, but to tell ya the truth, I was so concerned about something falling off the drum kit I didn’t notice what was going on….

Anyhow, tomorrow (nope, that’ll be today) is gonna be a late one as we’re “in Session” with Janice Long. Not too sure of the details but I think we need to be setup and ready for about midnight. Have a google for it if you’re interested.

T minus 10 hours and counting...

It's all go init!

I've just about finished packing.... but what exactly do you pack for 3 weeks on a tour bus with no hotels?

buggered if I know.

It's probably best to keep it that way, If I need anything, I guess I can buy it somewhere.

I'm gonna try an post while "on tour" but I've no idea if I'll get any "tinternet" time so I'll just wing it.

Hay Ho.....

18 Happy Birthdays....

Yes! ..... Yes I am popular! It's official.

I had 18 "happy birthdays" in total.

2 Cards
4 Phone calls
2 txt messages

....and 10 e-mails informing me that at my age I should be considering a penis enlargement, hair replacement therapy or an over 50's lifetime retirement plan (it comes with a choice of free gifts!)

So, thanks to everyone who bothered.

It really made a difference. It's nice to know there are people out there who think it's a good thing I'm around...

Mind you, I'm far too conceited to return the complement. But you all know that anyhow ;-)

Suspended by Stars.....

\\Clothears need not apply//

For Goober....

Goober, I dont think I've got your e-mail address anymore, do me a favour and send it to me... and ya mobile number.

Anyhow, you wanted a copy of the "mullet" picture so here it is..

Goto my Flickr page, then in the "Search By Tags" input box type "Goober"

You'll get a list of all photo's with your mug in them. Find the one ya want.

You can download the piccy by clicking on the "All Sizes" spy-glass icon at the top of the picture, select the size of picture you want then hit the download button.

If it wasnt for those meddling kids....

Another attempt at video hosting.... let me know if this one is any better speed wise.

The wheels on the bus.....

So, it's official (I think.... maybe me posting on this blog makes it official), I'm on The Wonder Stuff payroll!

I was asked a few days ago if I fancied pulling drums apart and putting them back together again for TWS's Andres Karu..... for the entire tour. Thats 12 (maybe 13) gigs in about 16 days

Seemed a bit daft not to really. It's not every day ya get the chance to work with a bunch or Lords.

So, here I am....

Booked time off work....
Stepping out of the comfortable and into the unknown....
No illusions of grandeur here, I'll be worked to near death....
A welcome change from my normal.

Shopping List:

Sanford Sharpies (it's a kinda permanent marker... apparently)
Maglite
Drum Key
(I may have to sneak in a cow bell somewhere)

Something may be happening......

I had a call today, an offer I could only accept.

If work don't throw a spanner into the job, I'll be doing stuff I've only dreamt of.