I want to punch people
So what now?
Months, no YEARS of mental negotiations with myself to get to where I was on Friday morning, 2 days before a major operation..... and I'm not gonna mention the pain.
To cope with it I've had to shut down parts of my life so I could muster the positive mental state I needed to be in. I've been through almost every conceivable situation in my mind so I can prepare for recovery on my own......
for example, have you ever thought of what muscles you use when going for a dump? I have, in minute detail.
How about getting to a shower or bath..... or perhaps getting food in from the supermarket..... even coughing has to be pre planned and organised to military precision.... don't even think about socks/shoes.
So, what now?
I have a mental void bigger than any IBM Manager I could mention. Everything in my life had been postponed and now I find myself being pinched from all sides almost immediately.
I'm being asked my opinion on whether or not Em's mom should get married to the fella she's currently arguing with, work expects me to jump straight back into the fray....... all I wanna do is yell F*%K OFF as loud as I can to EVERYONE I can.
Would it be such a great shame if I karked it on the Op Table? Well.... no (it's at this point I should tell you that I'm not looking for sympathy, nor is it a cry for help, this is me being very very pragmatic.... and extremely f*%ked off... So don't go calling the Samaritans or asking if you can have my CD collection as its not gonna happen, I'm not that lucky)
I certainly would prefer to go that way than how-ever-many-years as a cripple and dying an agonising death in a shit stained hovel only to be found 3 weeks later cos the neighbours are complaining of the smell...... again
Going on the Op Table has many benefits, no recovery time, less tax to pay and if radical Muslims have got it right, a hareem of young beautiful virgins at my disposal.... not to mention Em would be the sole beneficiary of a not too shabby payout (thats if her mother dosent piss it up the wall first).
think I'll go shout at passing cars... .maybe wave my cripple stick at them too.
6 comments:
Go ahead Dave, punch someone! (Easy for me to say, I'm across the pond). This really does suck, have you always had an irregular heart beat or is this something new?
Wanting to punch is one thing.... the last person I punched was an 11 year old (I was eleven too, I dont go around lamping kids....even tho there are some that should be lamped).
No, the heartbeat thing is about 4 years old now, quacks told me its not that uncommon and not to worry unless its painful... which it isnt.
The only people who worry are Gas-Men.
that detail - surely they were aware of this whilst you were having those numerous consultations??
I'll join you in shouting at the cars mate. I've seen a lot of the journey you've gone through to get here, and in a way feel some of your frustration. It makes me want to shake them and shout into their faces .
I'd light their bins, but i'd not get away quick enough.
I think everyone has been in the "black hole" before at one time or another (me? more times than I'd like to admit).
I'll shout at cars with you too. Actually, that kinda sounds like fun.
I think everyone has been in the "black hole" before at one time or another (me? more times than I'd like to admit).
I'll shout at cars with you too. Actually, that kinda sounds like fun.
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