If lots of people do it, it becomes ok... as long as its not you being hurt
I nearly lost me little girl this week and there’s no evidence that she’s gonna be around in the near future. Em’s mother has decided that she wants to move in with her new boyfriend. This would mean moving away from her established “support group”, Emily’s school (where she is doing great), her friends and grand parents including me. Individually, each one of these would be devastating to Em, but put them all together and you end up with a potential disaster. Of course, the new boyfriend refused to even consider moving away from his ex-wife and children (who live in the next street from him and have keys to each others houses) and extended family to be with Em's mom
Emily’s mother isn’t stupid, she insisted she knows my views on this knowing I’d probably fly into a rage at the thought of another man bringing up my daughter as his own while he pops round to the ex wife’s to do a little decorating (you know what I mean, “just popping round the X’s to fill a crack in the bedroom, wont be long”). Em’s mom uses this technique of getting me pissed off to convince herself I’m the baddie and what she decides to do is right…. So this time I didn’t play, I kept calm and just told her the facts…..
Fact 1: He won’t move in with Em’s mom because he doesn’t want to move away from his family. This can also be read thus: You’re not good enough to move away for.
Fact 2: Moving Emily away from her school will interfere with her Schooling and tear her away from friends
Fact 3: Emily’s grand parents will no longer see Emily, neither of them have access to a car, public transport is at least 2 hours away.
Fact 4: Em’s mom doesn’t drive. She will have to stay at home and look after his children/house
Fact 5: Em’s mom doesn’t know what split his marriage therefore has no idea of his track record.
Fact 6: Emily will become a second class citizen in his house… It’s NOT his child, his biological children WILL come first
Fact 7: She is moving away from her support network into an unknown environment
Fact 8: Emily WILL kick back
8 comments:
Okay, I know you have explained this to me before, but why do you have no say? Over here, if you are the fathe r(bloodtest and all*), and you are taking half/partial responsibility for your children, then you have SOME say. You can REQUEST visits (not that this is the best way, but if it must be done...) and SHE is old enough to say who she wants to live with.
I think that's fucking crazy. I'll be damned if Abe takes my son any goddamn where. And the boyfriend sounds like a real dick. Maybe if he cares about Emily and her mom so much, maybe he can move his comfy little ass somewhere. This really pisses me off. There are SOOO many deadbeat dads where I live at, and to see one who is awesomely involved (and unmarried) is fucking great. I think you're doing an awesome job and if her mom can't see that, then she's got a lot to lose...
*not that I think you need a bloodtest, she looks like you spit her right from your mouth.
I was never married to her mom. My name is on the birth certificate but that only means I'm required by law to pay maintenance until she is 16. There are laws to give me access, but lawyers and mothers can flaunt this by using delaying tactics. It's not unusal for fathers to be out of the picture for 5 years or more. By then, you become just another "uncle". So when I say “I have no rights” I should actually say “I have no effective rights”….. What Em’s mom says, goes
Sue has never denied me access, she encourages contact and has always said I can see Em whenever I like. What worries me is that when they move, when they are living in someone elses home the dynamics will inevitably change….. I will have been removed from the equation (except for the maintenance that is).
Cartoon Father, when ya gonna rub yaself out?
I do not want to comment on this one, so why am i leaving a comment?
Because you will think I only want to see you in a bat man costume, read through this one Davey boy....
Gutted for ya mate that all this is going on - just keep talking about it cos the worst thing to do is bottle it all up.
I don't have any cracks in bedrooms to fill so bend me ear when ever ya like :o)
oh of course, $$...
Yes, it's one thing taking kids away from a parent when they are very young but Emily is old enough to make a fuss and I'd be surprised if Sue is daft enough not to see that.
[Not that I haven't been surprised by women's decisions before!]
I hope she sees some sense and keeps Emily close to you and allows you to be involved. You're a great Dad!
hang on in there bro. we're all behind you love sis
there's only dad for EM.
That's really fucked up, but then so much of the world is. Good luck to you all with this. My 10 year old was just crying about how he misses his birth family (my kids were adopted last year out of foster care here). I told him I didn't know what I could say to him about the situation as I have no idea where his birth family is. Hopefully I won't ever know cause right now I want to beat them senseless....I imagine your daughter would have similar moments if someone were stupid enough to cut your access. So, best of luck to you both and she's a cute kid.
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