I'm mmmeeeelllltinggggggg...

Yes, it's official..... Just like the Wicked Witch of the West I too am melting.

It was confirmed by my recent visit to the rheumatologist who agreed that "whatever" caused my hip to dissolve is now chewing its way through my left knee, hence the pain keeping me awake during the night.

He did give me the medical name for it, I cant remember it of course..... in layman's terms its some lining in or around the knee joint that's inflamed (they don't know why its inflamed) which causes the intense pain.....

I have my own theory..... As I'm not involved in a relationship my body is missing the intense emotional pain caused by the constant tedium of enforced companionship and so has turned against my left hip and knee and is slowly dissolving them from the inside out.

So, as the rheumatologist has more or less washed his hands of me I'll be back to see the knife-man. No doubt he'll complain about my collection of fat but at least its a painful limp in the right direction.


So, to lighten the mood can you think of ANY other characters from TV/Movies or books that have melted?

Here's some to get you started....

Wicked Witch of the West (The Wizard Of Oz)
Me

A Gammy leg and a crap car

People around me know that I hate my latest company car (I know, I'm very lucky to even have a company car, but that's not the point), mostly I hate it 'cos I stupidly decided which car to have purely on economic grounds .... this meant I ended up with a Ford Fiesta 1.4 Ghia Diesel.... and what a mistake that was.

I dunno what the hell has happened to Ford, but this car is nasty. Externally, it looks like two separate cars welded together, there's no way the same designer created the rear and the front of this car. Internally its just as bad, built to a budget (a very very small one at that) and barely functional

I choose the Ghia option as I thought it would add a little comfort to a basic car.... in fact, the £1200 extra for the Ghia version added 4x Ghia badges, rain sensing wipers and a silver gear knob (and no, its not real silver)

I understand that a diesel engine can be a little more noisy, but this thing is deafening..... whenever I drive the car I have a flock of seagulls (the feathered variety and not the 80's pop band) behind me wondering when I'm gonna start ploughing.... It really is that bad.

But it is cheap to run..... it requires no oil or servicing and a tank full of chip fat will last for 400 miles.... so I guess it's done its job so far....

But now I'm getting the chance to change it.... why? cos of my gammy leg! I just happened to mention it to the fleet manager, and he/she said under the current agreement I can change the car to an automatic on medical grounds.... and as there are no affordable automatics in the pool I can go ahead and order a brand new motor (as long as its an auto).

I do know it wont be another FORD and not just because the Fiesta is a bag of arse. The main reason for not wanting another FORD is their Franchise holder Dagenham Motors.... They have to be the rudest people I've had the misfortune to deal with. A truly awful bunch of people to work with.

I'll let ya know what I get...

for no other reason.

Things I have carried home while drunk.

1. The wooden pineapple from the top of a fence (still located in an indoor plant in Highpoint)
2. A 10 inch high letter "H"
3. A nurse belonging to a house mate
4. A front door
5. various car ariels
6. A pair of tramps trousers, bought in London while on a bender
7. Bebe Hudd

this sceptred isle

This royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle, This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars, This other Eden, demi-paradise, This fortress built by Nature for herself Against infection and the hand of war, This happy breed of men, this little world, This precious stone set in the silver sea, Which serves it in the office of a wall Or as a moat defensive to a house, Against the envy of less happier lands,-- This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England.

William Shakespeare, "King Richard II", Act 2 scene 1

Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)

I'd never imagine I would be quoting Shakespeare in this blog. But while putting the finishing touches to the above photo, the words to this famous passage came back to me. 500 years on and I really cant think of two better bed mates than this picture and those words.

Giant Cola Cubes

No Em, no On Call..... no sleep

750 miles round trip......................

to take some sunrise pictures of Bamburgh Castle

....and some very large Cola Cubes

The full show can be found here

Ten Thousand Visitors

I've just noticed I've had over 10,000 visitors to this Blog...... Most of them have wanted me to buy either Viagra, hair restorer or help them share out millions of $'s by using my bank account.... Just how lucky am I!

I'm officially more popular than Small Pox. Marvelous!

Alchemy

Take one jar of premium pickled onions, 200g's of mussels and prawns and an assortment of snacks and mix liberally with copious amounts of Pepsi Max

Retire to a safe distance and brew at body temperature for 10 hours.

Last night, I had to tie the duvet down with tent pegs.

My 3 day dream bizarre (Part 3)

Dream 3:

I don't want to go into details about this one. It's more or less me trying to find out why Linda's Family shunned me completely when she left.  It revolves around her creating a diversion to take away the truth about her infidelity.

Analysis:

Is there something more to this 14 years on? Am I so bored with life that my subconscious has decided to pick a fight with me while I sleep

My 3 day dream bizarre (Part 2)

Dream 2:

This is an odd one. I'm in Wales (my usual short break destination on the bike) in an unknown pub/hotel. I get the feeling that I'm there to judge a competition, I cant elaborate on the subject cos I've no idea, there's no paraphernalia around me to suggest any kind of competition, I just have this "feeling".... anyhow.

I'm in this Welsh pub, various people sitting around drinking, mostly old fellas wearing cloth caps and plaid suits (?). I then get this overwhelming sensation of responsibility, the kind you get when worrying about ya kids and their future.

I then discover that my cat is with me. In the dream I don't question this, not only would I never take Addie to any public place but she passed away over 6 months ago.

In the dream I worry about getting her back home, even tho she seems perfectly happy in the pub. I then have fractured recollections of her playing with me, jumping on me and snuggling into me like she used to..... But the overall memory was being able to actually feel her in my hands, and that big bushy tail brushing against my face including that tell tail twitch in my nose that reminds me I'm allergic to cat hair.

Conclusion:

Did she come and visit me in my dream? Was she telling me that where ever she is now, she's OK?

Or was it my need to feel useful or wanted invading my subconscious?

My 3 day dream bizarre

Dream 1:

I start off driving, somewhere in the north east... It's a coastal town and I come across a huge steep hill... in fact its so steep I'm unsure if the car will get up it. But it must be OK, cos all the way up the hill and on top there are shops and houses and people milling about. So, I start on up the hill (in the car). I notice to my left there's the usual vista of the North Sea, except its really close.... and its in a bad mood.

As I travel up the hill, I notice that no-one else is the slightest bit concerned that the approaching tide & waves are lapping the bottom of the hill..... and then I notice I'm running out of gears as I traverse up the hill, 4th, then 3rd, then 2nd...... and now 1st gear..... the car is struggling, the waves are getting closer, the hill is getting steeper.

I eventually scramble out of the car, just as I get a hold of the crest of the hill with my bare hands...... someone comes and grabs my arm from the top, but the crest of the hill is crumbling because of the sea spray from the all engulfing waves lapping at my feet.

At this point my subconscious seems to have had its fun and decides its time to change the subject. I'm fully awake.

Analysis:

It's probably the hip thing... The hard struggle ahead I would guess. But do I really need my subconscious to put it so brutally?