Sunday, January 21, 2007

Sirloin steak.....right on the bone.

Didnt really fancy coming back here. After loosing Addie I had to think about stuff I've never been comfortable with, its nothing anyone can help with, its just stuff that's within all of us but unique to each.... probably.

So, what's the big news? Well, I like to start with the good news first, as there's nothing quite like watching that elated happy-go-lucky smile fade to abject misery right in front of my eyes. (little house on the prairie, girl in gingham dress skipping down slope (the good news)...... suddenly, an Indian scalping party appears at the top of the hill behind and come running and screaming after her - (the bad news))

Good News:

1. My boss has been told to sling his hook. Of course, being a large blue-chip top 500 company it wasn't quite conveyed like that to his minions. It was something like this, ahem.......

"......blah...blah..... bluesky thinking......blah blah..... robust deliverables......Re-aligning GW's skill set to better leverage his potential in new emerging and exciting technologies".... blah blah...repurpose back-end architectures...... blah blah.....strategize one-to-one bandwidth....... blah blah....synergize extensible e-commerce"


in other words he was a kak handed gobshite who couldn't tell the difference between his own arse and an elbow. He single handedly reduced our customer base by a 1/3rd, cost thousands of pounds to the business by renaming the department from something that was self explanatory to something that required a degree in horse-shite to decipher. I wont linger on his social skills, but this fella could make Jade Goodie look like Mother Teresa..... there's more business intelligence in a tramps vest.... and we still have no idea "what he was for"

2. I'm looking for a place to buy.

3. Goober is now 40

Bad news:

I'm now a cripple. I cant walk, I've been screaming like a girl most of the week. My hip has thrown in the towel..... big time. There is NO position I can put my leg where there is NO pain. It's constant and I'm sick of it. I've had to find new and inventive ways of wearing socks. I now have to use a calculator and a set-square to help plan my next bowel movements. You have no idea how stupid you look shouting at your own leg in the middle of a shop when it decides it would be "clever" to ignore the heroic dose of painkillers you've been feeding it.

Anyhow, I've had the consultation with Sweeney Tod (do all Orthopaedic Surgeons have fixations on anything sharp and shiny?) and he is waiting on my MRI results.... which bizarrely I have on my PC right now. So, I should have an answer on which flavour of plastic hip I'll need and when he can slice open my upper thigh and play with his new Black&Decker hammer drill and Meccano No.6 kit to my old bones.


This is an MRI scan of my left hip...apparently. It looks more like Tesco's Meat counter to me.

5 comments:

Apprentice said...

"repurpose back end architectures" ..??

Hahaha!

Sorry about you leg D, but that is so funny.

petercmoore said...

I'm not saying what I think that picture looks like. I'll get kicked off of Blogger for being obscene...

Right - glad you're back online. Sorry about Addie. I think I know how you feel...

Must be about time for a beer or 3 at the Volley?

Anonymous said...

Mmmmmm, Beeeeeerrrrrrrrrr.

Anonymous said...

This is why I'm not a surgeon...that looks like a ham to me, I couldn't operate, all I'd be thinking about is "where's the mustard"....nice to see you back D, I hope you won't have to suffer with that leg for too long.

Russ said...

I have no idea what's going on in that picture and I don't think I want to know but pain I understand.

Hope it get's sorted soon fella.

I've often found beer useful as a substitute pain killer !